To all the drama queens... and kings...

Calm Down. If your heart was really broken, you’d be dead

Please, for God’s sake now, don’t start sending me mails saying I’m cynical or anti love etc. I’m as romantic as they come, but also try to be as practical. Mind you - both can co-exist. There’s a good reason why I keep telling you to not obsess about four letter words, especially this one - love. Because it is overrated, overused and you just don’t get over it.

If I get 700 mails in a week from you, at least 500 are about a broken heart. And no, not of the medical kinds. Had that been the case, I could have tied up with a hospital and made some money by referring you to them. You write about the emotional heartbreak. Can’t blame you, I too, was like this as a teenager, but uff, I’m seeing more and more drama queens these days. People just like to overdramatise everything - I will die without her, I don’t want to live anymore because he hasn’t replied to my text for six hours now. Arrey chhodo. Ab yehi reason reh gaya marne ke liye?

Please take the trouble of asking a senior... someone who managed to get his/her love and have lived with that person for 10-15 years. They’ll tell you how they clamour to get some peaceful moments, without the ‘love of their life’ lurking around, looking for a new reason to fight. Of course love exists in their case too, but the expression and intensity assume some semblance of maturity and sanity. Khair that’s not the point of discussion here. The topic today is that it is perfectly possible to be young, in love, go through heartbreak - and still not behave like a walking hormonal mess. Look here, into my eyes, and answer one question honestly and very seriously. “Kya aapke toothpaste mein namak hai?” Sorry, bad joke... and I even cracked it once earlier. Maarna mat, don’t answer any question. Just try to pay attention to these, if you’ve ever suffered from heartbreak, be it due to rejection of love or a nasty breakup.

1-No obsessive thoughts, please: Thinking about a person 24x7 is not healthy. Period. Be it a celebrity, the hottest one in the neighbourhood or a highly desirable colleague or classmate. An obsession with anyone never leads to a happy outcome. If you ever start to feel that you would die if a certain person wasn’t with you, slap yourself on the left cheek from my side and then think about this - Even when you did not know that person, you had a life. It involved your parents, your friends, and also a routine of going out, watching movies, reading books etc. To suddenly consider all of this inferior to thoughts about another person is so unfair. Because even if that person doesn’t exist in your life anymore, all of these still do. If a relationship has not worked out, it only means one thing. That someday, another will. Thoughts of cutting yourself from the whole world, killing yourself for someone etc are frankly, very uncool. While you are in love, live it as the most beautiful and healthy feeling, and give it your best. When you are out of love, look at all the other beautiful and healthy things in your life. Leave the obsession - and its expression to Hindi films.

2-Don’t seek too much advice: As a race, we love and specialise in advising others. When it comes to matters of heart, then toh we go overboard telling people what to do. May I please request you something... give your heartbreak the dignity of healing without making it the subject of someone else’s water cooler gossip. Don’t ask for advice from the whole world. Also don’t move around with Devdaas written all over you so that people start advising you even when you’ve not asked. Frankly, no one else lives your life for you. And its very easy for your friends to tell you how to get over grief and for people like me to write columns on what you should do. But it’s another thing for you to live through the experience of pain. Go through it quietly, and give it time. Do just what your mind tells you too. I would have said heart but woh toh toot gaya nah! Oops, bad joke again.

3-Everything ends: This will sound very weird (as though the rest of the writeup doesn’t), but the universal truth is that every relationship in this world ends. I’d once read somewhere that whether it comes through an untimely breakup, or a detachment of the mind, or ultimately death... but the end of any relationship is inevitable. And people still have to go on with their lives. Why not then, go on with it happily, till it lasts. Treat heartbreaks as temporary setbacks and signals that things didn’t work out only because something better is in store for you, or the other person. In both cases, the pain is worth it.

4-You are not alone: If it helps, do know that scientists who have nothing better to do have come up with studies that reveal that over 70% of people in this world experience heartbreak at some point or the other, in life. Over 40% are toota-dil veterans who undergo it more than once in life. That’s massive company you have. And still look at how the world’s population is bursting at its seams. The lesson: People may die of heart failure but no one dies of heartbreak. It just heals. No more drama. Just get over it and get yourself a life.

Via- Sonal Kalra
Hindustan Times.
Date- 7 sep 2014

Sex, lies and the threat of 'rape'

All of last week, we have been entranced by the TV appearances of a model/actress (face dutifully blacked out to preserve her anonymity) who claims that she was raped by BJP minister Sadananda Gowda’s son, Karthik. Her story is as follows.

She met Karthik in May 2014 and the two of them became close. He began courting her, and soon tied a mangalsutra around her neck with his driver acting as witness.

When she discovered she was pregnant and told Karthik, he told her not to blame him and stopped taking her calls. Then one day, she woke up to the news that Karthik had become engaged to another woman.

At this point in the narration, the model/actress breaks down and insists that all that she wants is to be accepted by Karthik as his wife, and by his parents as their daughter-in-law because she “cannot live without him”.

But this touching display is rather ruined by the TV ticker running underneath it, which informs us that she has filed a case of rape against Karthik, and that the police have registered a case against him.

As of this writing, Karthik has not been arrested, but by the time you read this, I would not be at all surprised if he was, indeed, behind bars, facing a charge of rape.

Rape? Seriously? By what definition is this rape? By her own account, the lady concedes that she was in a consensual sexual relationship and that she hoped to marry Karthik (or had married him in some sort of symbolic ceremony) and that even now, she would like to be accepted into the Gowda family as a daughter-in-law. So how does a consensual sexual relationship miraculously turn into rape just because the man in question has dumped her for another woman?

It can’t be sex when you think the guy will marry you; and rape when it becomes clear that he won’t. If, like many women, you equate sex with marriage, then for God’s sake, keep it off the table until you are married (and in a legally-binding ceremony, not some faux exchange of garlands or rings, or by the tying of a mangalsutra). And if you can’t do that, then take some responsibility for your decision instead of playing the victim and crying rape.

Not just because this is something we expect of grown-up women with minds, hearts and brains of their own but also because this propensity to cry rape when no rape has occurred is a slap in the face of every woman who has ever had to face real sexual violence in her life. Every time a woman levels such a frivolous charge of rape, it makes it that much more difficult for actual rape victims to be taken seriously.

And what of the men who have been falsely accused and besmirched in the court of public opinion in the process?

Remember the case of Hindi film director, Madhur Bhandarkar? A little-known actress lodged a complaint with the Versova police in 2004, alleging that the director had ‘raped’ her 16 times between 1999 and 2004 on the pretext of giving her a role in one of his forthcoming movies. There is a word (or words) that could describe the behaviour of an actress who sleeps with a film director in the hope of getting a role (hint: it does not begin with ‘r’).

But if you are sleeping with someone in the hope of profiting from the act, then the fact that you don’t actually profit doesn’t turn you into a victim, let alone a rape victim.

If you choose sex as a transactional tool to get ahead in the world then you have to be prepared for both good and bad outcomes. And if you end up with a bad case of ‘seller’s remorse’, that doesn’t mean that all your previous consensual sexual encounters must be re-categorised as ‘rape’. It simply does not work like that.

But even though this may seem self-evident which, looked at through the prism of common sense, it took Bhandarkar nine years to have the case closed.

The trial continued in the High Court even after the Mumbai Police filed a report that the case against Bhandarkar was ‘maliciously false’. It took a bench of the Supreme Court to quash the proceedings, noting that the actress no longer wanted to pursue the case and that the Mumbai Police report had exonerated him.

No doubt, the case against Karthik Gowda will also drag on in a similar manner, unless some sort of out-of-court compromise is affected. But these are just two high profile cases. There must be thousands of others in which men have been falsely accused of rape and have no option but to struggle through our complex and slow legal system to prove their innocence.

Which is why I feel that this is as good a time as any to codify all those instances when a rape is not a rape. Breaking up with a long-time boyfriend? No, your sex life cannot be re-categorised as rape. Sleeping with someone with a view to profit in some way? If you don’t succeed, the sex doesn’t turn into rape. The man you slept with refuses to marry you? Still not rape.

Each time we cry ‘rape’ when a relationship goes wrong, we insult the real victims of sexual violence. And in recasting our sexual experiences as something they are not, we let down our own sex.

Via- Seema Goswami

Hindustan Times
Date- 7-9-2014

http://www.hindustantimes.com/brunch/brunch-stories/sex-lies-and-the-threat-of-rape/article1-1260527.aspx

Mujhe meri girlfriend se bachao!!

Barely a month and a half after we all bowed down, or were made to, before the ‘fairer sex’ (totally meaningless term, by the way) in the name of International Women’s Day, I dedicate this week’s column to the hapless guys all over the world. Hapless — and I could’ve said helpless too — because of the emotional torture they sometimes suffer at the hands of the girls in their lives.

The trigger is this mail I got from Krishabh from Indore, the excerpts of which I’d like to share here. ‘My girlfriend gets upset at least 5 times a day. That’s the minimum. I love her and all that, but I feel all my energy just goes in manaoing her and saying sorry a million times. It’s another thing that mostly, I don’t even know what I’m saying sorry for. She sulks endlessly and doesn’t bother to tell me what has hurt her. She says if I love her, I should know. Please help, and don’t disclose my name.’ Well, Krishabh, I so wanted to respect your wish of staying anonymous, but not being able to ignore your attempts at jamming my inbox by sending this mail nine times in the last one week, I’m only adding another letter to your name. So technically, I’m not disclosing your identity but secretly hope this does its bit in shooting up your girlfriend’s ‘average’.

Girlfriend woes

That said, you have my full sympathies for trying to deal with a sulk. It is never easy to be with partners or spouses — male or female — who decide to use the relationship as a platform to unleash negative behavioural traits, the worst of which is sulking. Also, I wonder why people forget the ‘friend’ part the moment they turn into a ‘girlfriend’ or a ‘boyfriend’ to someone. You wouldn’t treat your friends with a perpetually long face because you know they’d leave you in an instant. Just because a boyfriend won’t, it doesn’t mean you take him for granted. In my opinion, someone who often gets upset without caring to even tell the reason doesn’t really deserve to be cared for too much anyway. But then Krishabh my dear, you clearly are in ‘love and all that’ with the sulking beauty and well, to each his own. Here’s what you could do…

HT City Editor Sonal Kalra

1. Stop apologising: You are not doing yourself a favour if you are saying sorry to your partner all the time, especially when you don’t know what you are apologising for. Because if you don’t know, you’ll keep repeating whatever has hurt her in the first place. Always remember that uttering ‘sorry’ without meaning it, is worse than not apologising at all.

2. Don’t indulge tantrums: Whenever a person sulks too often, they are essentially trying to manipulate the relationship to make you feel responsible for their emotional immaturity. Encourage this behaviour and you’ll be digging your own grave. I know a guy whose girlfriend’s pet phrase in life is ‘I’m not talking to you’. I and his other friends would see her do that to him in public, and the more he responded with ‘Why honey, what have I done?’, the more difficult it was becoming for all of us to look for places to throw up after this excessive display of mollycoddling. Until one day, we sat him down and told him what she was turning him into. He had to realise that him constantly giving into her tantrums was making her feel she was winning at it, and would make her repeat the behaviour far too often. It was not helping either of them, or the relationship in the long run. Next time she said it, he responded with, ‘okay. I’m here whenever you feel like talking.’ It wasn’t negative, and it did the trick. Indulging the excesses of a loved one is a nice gesture at times. But only at times.

3. Understand the gender bender: No matter how much we talk about equality in relationships, it is important for both genders to understand the inherent behavioural differences between males and females. Since this week’s column is primarily addressing the guys, let me tell them how a girl’s psyche works. They want conflicting things, and are often unclear themselves about what exactly they are looking for. They would want attention, but would freak out and call you possessive when you’ll give too much of it. They’d like to be pampered but would behave with defiance when you’ll be at it. In a nutshell, girls are pretty messed up in the head, most of the times… and then there is PMS! But these unpredictable emotional swings may just be the endearing thing about them. Try and understand that, and you’ll sail through. The idea is not to take their mood swings personally and let them know that you are around to care if, when and in the amount that they would desire that care.

4. Talk it out: Oh well, girls love to talk. Didn’t you know that already? Every girl’s favourite and every guy’s most dreaded sentence in a relationship is ‘We need to talk’. So go ahead, do it for once if her behaviour is taking a toll on your mental health. Tell her it’s not pleasant to see a long face several times in a day and remind her that constant fighting leaves little time for expressing love, and she may just enjoy the latter more.

5. Love or leave: I’m not asking you to dump her. Well actually I am, but only if you are sure that it’s not possible for you to go on being with an ill-behaved adult-child. Rather than living with the guilt of ending a relationship, give her the choice of ‘love or leave’. Tell her you would like to give your relationship a genuine try, but not at the cost of their mood being in the driver’s seat all the time. It’s not too much to ask for, is it? And if you explain yourself clearly, and she still doesn’t get it, it’ll be time to ask yourself some serious questions. Remember, once the charm of a new relationship wears off, the negative traits in a person seem all the more starker. It’s important to sometimes step back and foresee that situation.

Shared By- Akshay Bhardwaj

Source- Sonal Kalra (A Calmer You), Hindustan Times   April 19, 2014

Love aaj kal: five new age relationship rules to follow

We live in a world of constant upgrades, but for some reason, many couples are still following the 1.0 version of love advice. It's time to click refresh, don't you think?

If you want to make it work, these are the five modern love rules you need to follow religiously.

1 Out of sight, out of mind: Have you removed all pre-breakup photos from Facebook, changed your status, re-gifted your teddy bears and torn up your love notes? If not, then don't delay! Despite your efforts to rid of every physical aspect of your ex, relationships leave you with emotional inventory that can't be cleared with a keystroke like the history cache on your computer.
 
2 He asks, she pays: The one traditional dating 'do' that still stands is the general belief that men are supposed to make the first move and then pay the bill for the evening. Not anymore. Women can ask men out and then treat them to an evening out as well.


 
3 My way or the highway: This attitude has no place in a relationship. Depending on the attitude of the two people involved together, a relationship can either be an ordeal or an adventure. Each partner is an entire individual, not simply part of a couple. Just as peer pressure can negatively impact a friendship, partners can overpower each other and create instability in a romantic relationship.
 
4 You can love again, and again: Love is constant? Not anymore. Before you find The One, everyone wants to experiment a bit and meet all kinds of people. However, don't take anyone for a ride. Tell him/her exactly where you stand in a relationship.
 
5 Honesty is (still) the best policy: Not enjoying your time out with the new person in your life? Tell him/her and in the best possible way. No good will come out of being impolite, and you never know when you'll run into him or her again later in life. Remember, manners matter.


Original source:-  Ankita Ganguli, Hindustan Times

Astronomical Watch

You can now have that solar system diorama you made in school on your wrist in the form of a watch. Van Cleef & Arpel have debuted a gorgeous new astronomical watch, the 44mm Midnight Planétarium, at Geneva's annual Salon International de la Haute Horlogerie. The watch shows both numerical time and the rotation of five planets — Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn — visible from Earth. Each planet is represented by precious and semi-precious stones, which rotate around the sun (a stone in the center) in the amount of time it takes for the actual planet to make a rotation. You'll easily be able to see a full rotation of Mercury every 88 days and Venus every 224 days, but it'll take a while to see a full rotation of Saturn — 29 years to be exact.

The watch makes telling regular time easy and whimsical, using a shooting star on the outermost area of the face. In addition to the rotating planets, the "Lucky Day" feature adds another layer of luxury and fancy: use the bezel to select any special day of the year to be your Lucky Day, and the Earth will fall underneath the painted star on the watch's crystal on that day every year.

Midnight Planétarium is a testament to Van Cleef & Arpel's legacy of making watches with stunning, playful displays, as well as Dutch boutique designer Christiaan van der Klaauw's astronomic prowess. Van Cleef's master watchmaker Denis Giguet told Cool Hunting that the biggest challenge was making the planets rotate correctly, and doing it in such a small, thin frame. Van der Klaauw's expertise in astronomic design made him a wise partner for the company, which wanted a special watch to add to its Poetic Astronomy series. While it looks like a fanciful tool out of Harry Potter's world, the watch is a kind of ridiculous beauty that warrants the $245,000 price tag, and that will be striking every time someone looks at it.

Kisi ke paas charger hai?

I know what some Einsteins among you must be thinking right now. Cell phone toh likha nahi, charger likh diya. Hai nah? Bolo, bolo. Look at my photo above. Bewakoof lagti hoon? Some things in life are understood yaar. Phone toh hai hi by default, but tell me, hand on heart, how many of you get stressed about how much charge your cellphone battery has or doesn’t, several times during the day. So many nah? That’s why a charger has rightfully made it to the list of our basic needs. And when there is need, there is also stress if it doesn’t get met.

Aur charger na hone ka stress toh khatarnaak hai. The same desperation and frequency with which you hear shout-outs in the college or office saying, ‘So who’s coming to the loo?’ can be now sensed when you hear ‘kisi ke paas iPhone ka charger hai?’. Earlier the good’ol traffic signal vendors would sell the humble cotton candy, now they sell phone chargers of all sizes. Vaise this size bit reminds me, what an unfair thing by the telecom ­companies that they can spend ­millions on launching newer, sleeker phone models but can’t come up with the option of using the same charger on every make, every model of a cell phone.

This half-eaten Apple wala company is the worst tease. They changed the charger slot itself when they moved from iPhone4 to iPhone5. Such an ­encouragement for the ­show-offs... where you’d earlier say, ‘does anyone have an iPhone charger’, now you have to declare in a shamelessly capitalistic way that you need a ‘chhota pin wala iPhone 5 charger’. Imagine the extent to which universal ­brotherhood would have got a boost if, along with caste, creed and colour, we all could shed our Nokia, Samsung, Blackberry, iPhone, Micromax biases and use the same charger for phones whether they cost 2K or 50K.

I think I’m the only one who is thinking of patriotism at this high level on Republic Day, no? Aap log toh baithe hoge rajai mein, with five different phones in the family, plugged with five different kind of chargers on the switch board. Sigh. Anyway, this whole charger obsession also made me observe a few varied...and weird kinds of behaviour some people display when it comes to feeding their phone ­batteries. Let’s analyse these breeds...

1 The charge hunters: For these people, the biggest quest doesn’t relate to finding the true meaning of life, it begins and ends at finding a point to plug in their phone charger. They’ll check into a hotel for a vacation, and before keeping the luggage down, would hunt down the charging point and plug in their phone. All the souls ­wandering around an airport lounge, looking highly confused and lost, are also the ones not looking for their boarding gate, but for a phone charging point. Whether in the office of the ­college canteen, or in their fancy cars, their phone would be plugged to the wall, much like a leashed and tied dog, and I’m sure, cursing its owner in ­telecom language. These people are so obsessed that their phone battery should be fully charged all the time, that the besharam of the lot would not even think twice before removing someone else’s phone getting charged and plugging in their own. The ­identifying traits of this breed – 100% phone battery... and high blood pressure.

2 The charge-less: This is the other end of the rainbow. These people do not wake up to the hunger pangs and cries of their phone battery till the charge reaches 1%, or passes away. Their friends and family are by now are used to listening to the ‘The number you are ­trying to reach has been switched off’ message in the beautiful voice of Airtel or Vodafone ­aunties. Their wives and girlfriends and bosses shout at them everyday, but somehow they can’t remember to carry the phone charger. Identifying traits – 0% phone battery... and high blood pressure.

3 The charge savers: Yeh intelligent log hain. Padhe likhe...with too much time at hand to read up on the various ways you can save your phone battery. They’ll be too happy to give you tips on how to increase ­battery life. If they are close to you, they might just snatch your phone and switch off some background applications so that your battery gets more life. They are the same people who are always ready with ­naturopathy cures for all your diseases and tell you to eat healthy and exercise everyday. They are also savvy enough to save their hard earned money in buying phone covers that come in-built with extra batteries, and portable battery backups. Identifying traits – two batteries for every phone... 0% blood ­pressure problems.

4 The charge ­borrowers: Shameless morons who are either too ­kanjoos to buy their own ­chargers or too forgetful to bring them from home. So they are always seen begging for a ­charger. Banks should come up for easy ­instalment schemes for this breed. I also proudly sit in this category and my work day begins with bowing my head down before a Ganpati idol in my office, followed by a ‘kisi ke paas charger hai?’ query. During appraisal times, my query is ­­­met with a prompt and willing response by my team, but in other months, I can hear them mutter ‘Apna kyun nahi laati?’ under their breath. Samarth, the music editor in my team curses the day he and I ended up buying the same phone models... now he hands over the charger as soon as I reach, without me even ­asking for it. AND cries helplessly when I sometimes even take it home with me. Identifying traits: Blood pressure problems – Borrower 0%, lender 100%!

So which breed are you? Dekho whatever it is, some stress about charger stays... right? Join me in this cause to promote national integration and harmony by demanding a universal phone charger. Modi or Rahul or Kejriwal or anyone else – whoever makes it their first manifesto promise is getting my vote. Yours?

Sonal Kalra just cleaned up her drawers and found 7 phone ­chargers. None of it works with her current cell phone. Is Red Cross interested in a donation? 

From :- Sonal Kalra (HT)

37 reasons why girls like boys ?

The way they always wear their favorite cologne ( which happens to be the one that you bought to them for their birthday )

The way that they run their hands through out hair

The way that they look at you and you want to die right there and then

The way that they casually put their arms around you

The way that they kiss away your tears…and the way that they then get mad at how they can’t make your problems go away

The way they show off around their friends, even though you both know that you would love them even if they missed a basket or two

How their eyes light up at the result of 3 hours of preparing your date

How they always know just what to say to make you blush

How they sometimes think that they know just what to say to make you feel better, even if you think that it is the worst thing they could say

The way they hold you close when you are cold

How they look at you when you are mad at them and all your anger melts away

How they always smile when you are together

The way that they always let you win any game that you play together …and then when you point that out to them, they pretend to not know what you are talking about

The way that they smile at you

The way that you feel when they call to apologize after you had a big fight

The way that they say ” I love you “

The way that they say ” I love you ” in front of your friends

The way that they touch and hold you so gently, like they are afraid that they will break you

The way that they kiss you

The way that they open their arms to you when you are crying

The way that they never admit that you hurt them

The way that they try not to cry when they are afraid that they are losing you

The way they think that they are your big protector, even though you think that you are theirs

The way that they say ” I miss you “, even though they hate to admit it

The way that you miss everything about them when they are gone

The way that they remember your special moments or anniversaries when you think that they forgot

The way that they apologize when they do forget

The way that they comfort you when you have a bad day

The way that you can’t wait to get home and tell them all about your day

The way that they write you love letters even if they think that it is not cool

How they would rather be with you than their friends sometimes

How you want to hug them even though they are all sweaty

Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them

it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you.

When you look them in the eyes, travelling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without

a trace of sound, you know that your own life is inevitably consumed within the rhythmic beatings of his heart.

We love them for a million reasons. No paper would do it justice. It is a thing a feeling, that is only felt.

From:- http://avmediastudio.com/blog/37-reasons-why-girls-like-boys/#sthash.mc22Elti.dpuf